Understanding Marriage and Biblical Counsel: Lessons From My Spiritual Father

There are moments in life when a simple question opens up a world of deep reflection. Recently, I sent a question to my spiritual father, Pastor Emmanuel Edah, regarding an issue I saw from an evangelist I follow on X.

"Mr. Abubakar, with three wives, has embraced Jesus, but some pastors say he must divorce two wives and allow only one. Is this right?"

It was an urgent inquiry, coming from Kano, where cultural and religious dynamics often intertwine in ways that require wisdom to navigate. His response was one that carried both caution and understanding.

"Yes! But with caution! He has the right to reject the counsel! But he will not become either a deacon or a pastor."

He went further, explaining that if Mr. Abubakar chooses to part with the second and third wives, he must still care for them, ensuring their well-being until someone else comes to marry them. But if they choose to leave after seeing the light of Christ, he should let them go.

The Biblical Perspective

This exchange led me to ask an even more thought-provoking question:

"Only church leaders are not permitted to marry more than one wife?"

His answer was yes, and that single response made me pause.

I had always thought that, as New Testament believers, we would be judged by a different standard, but he clarified with wisdom, saying,

"No... Judgment for multiple wives is in leadership of the church here on earth."

It became evident that the restriction on multiple wives is not an outright condemnation of the practice, but a specific guideline for those who desire to step into leadership within the church.

Clarifying the Standard for All Believers

While the Bible does not explicitly forbid all believers from having multiple wives, it clearly discourages it as part of God’s ideal design for marriage (Genesis 2:24, Matthew 19:4-6). However, grace is extended to those who come to Christ already in such unions; they are not forced to divorce but are called to live faithfully in their covenant relationships.

That said, all believers are strongly encouraged to uphold the standard of one wife, as this reflects Christ’s union with His Church (Ephesians 5:31-32). But if a man enters the faith with multiple wives, he is not disqualified from salvation—only from holding church leadership positions, where the requirement is stricter (1 Timothy 3:2, Titus 1:6).

Lessons From Biblical Examples

My spiritual father reminded me that several people in the Bible had multiple wives, both in the Old and New Testaments.

Solomon, David, and Abraham all had more than one wife, and yet they remained central figures in God's plan. However, leadership within the church carries a different expectation, one rooted in 1 Timothy 3:2, which states,

"A bishop then must be blameless, the husband of one wife, vigilant, sober, of good behavior, given to hospitality, apt to teach."

This scripture sets the standard; those who wish to lead in the house of God must uphold a different level of discipline and example.

The Importance of Seeking Understanding

In today's world, many denominations hold different views on this matter. Some uphold the one-wife principle strictly, while others do not see it as an obstacle to faith. That’s why clarity is essential, and why conversations like these with spiritual fathers help shape our understanding.

What I appreciate most about my spiritual father is his patience; he explains with wisdom, never dismissing a question, always taking time to ensure I understand the depths of the issue.

One thing I have learned over time is that, regardless of race, ethnicity, or religious background, marriage is valid in the eyes of God. For believers, we are called to one wife, but for those who came to Christ with multiple wives, the Bible has instructions, guiding them with grace and wisdom rather than condemnation.

And that, to me, is the beauty of God’s counsel; it does not bring chaos; it brings clarity, peace, and understanding.

A Call to Wisdom

Marriage is a sacred institution, and faith requires understanding. Before making assumptions, before judging situations we do not fully comprehend, we must seek biblical truth and wise counsel.

Sometimes, the answers we need aren’t found in debate; they are found in conversation with those who carry wisdom beyond our own.

And for that, I am grateful.